


not alone

by kellogren



Category: Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Emotional Hurt/Comfort, F/M, Hurt/Comfort, Kylo Ren Needs a Hug, Rey Needs A Hug
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-03-23
Updated: 2018-03-23
Packaged: 2019-04-07 00:06:33
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,568
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14068548
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kellogren/pseuds/kellogren
Summary: In which Ben and Rey are both just sad kids who have suffered far too much and deserve none of it.A slight hurt/comfort drabble with more hurt than comfort, really.





	not alone

Rey's chamber door slid shut silently and for a while she didn’t move. The lights automatically flicked on with her presence but she immediately reached over and swatted them back off. Letting out a shaky breath, Rey felt her shoulder blades fall back against the cool metal of the door. She leaned into it, pressing her entire back against it, liking the way the cold felt through her thin robes. Then slowly, she felt herself sliding down the length of the door, collecting in a heap at the bottom. Her legs remained bent and tucked close to her chest, and Rey let her forehead loll forward to press against her trembling knees. 

Nothing felt normal. Nothing felt safe. Rey hadn't felt true comfort since she was back on Jakku scavenging for parts. She hadn't known that was comfort then. She wished she'd known. Today was a day in which Rey begged for whatever had awoken inside of her to go back to sleep. She feared the power she could one day possess. She feared the dark side, and the subtle tugs and pulls she felt towards it. There was no off button, no way to cease the ferocious tide surging within her. Rey didn't know what brought on this onslaught of feelings. Exhaustion, maybe. Weeks of restless nights and days spent walking around in a gloomy, dream-like daze finally catching up to her. 

Rey didn't feel the tears leave her eyes, only noticing when they darkened the grey material of her pants. She then became much more aware of every shaky breath she sucked in only to be exhaled in a rocky sob moments later. Her cries grew louder and louder but maybe only in her head. Soon she was gasping, trying to take in enough air to fuel her wailing. She felt like a child, having a meltdown. Making up for the childhood meltdowns she never got to have, she supposed. 

Her scrunched up posture caused her pain each time she inhaled, as her ribs had no room to push against her thighs. Rey sat up so she was kneeling on all fours, about to push herself up and over to the bed. But the floor felt cool to her fingertips and the bed was too soft of a place to feel this ragged, so she slid forward until her cheek brushed the frigid tile and her legs curled abstractly to the side. Rey brought her arms forth and folded them beneath her head as a pillow and closed her eyes. Tears didn't dry on tile as they did on fabric and soon a miniscule puddle had formed below her. 

Rey cried for her parents, like she had for so many nights on Jakku. She cried because there was an emptiness inside of her that begged to be filled but never was. It rumbled like an empty stomach and consumed her like the sun would a shadow. She was alone, she knew. Never physically, but always inside. The turmoil Rey felt was one she was sure was unique and indescribable. Her thoughts were hers and hers alone, reverberating off the walls of her mind again and again. 

Kylo stared at the landing bay below him, glaring absently at the masses of white marching in sync. A familiar feeling tingled the back of his head and set an uneasy feeling in his stomach. Sighing, he didn't pull his attention from the scene ahead of him. He wasn't going to speak. Not first, at least. Silence floated in the air around him and Kylo was certain the connection was gone before he heard the sobs. 

Rey hadn't noticed the new, unsettling tug within her; it was easily lost amongst the pounding in her head, the seizing in her chest. She felt herself begin to calm, ever so slightly. She felt her chest rise and fall and she focused all her energy on keeping it rhythmic. The silence was a break Rey had been craving, filled only by her forceful exhalations. It was then, amongst the rise of peace, that she took notice of a feeling she wished she didn't feel right now.

 _"What's wrong?"_ Kylo's voice was deep and calm, holding no detectable emotion, despite the inquiry. Rey said nothing, hoping the ignorance would play in her favour. There were several moments of silence before he prodded again.

 _"_ _...._ _Rey_ _?"_ His tone changed, lightening ever so slightly in an effort to illicit a response that Rey didn't want to offer. She sucked in a stabilizing breath before turning her head slightly, so her mouth became visible.

"Nothing." It sounded pathetic, the lump in her throat that she'd been trying to ignore for the past few minutes betraying her. Quickly tucking her face back from sight, Rey let another set of tears fall from her tired eyes, keeping her breaths as quiet as she could.

Kylo exhaled deeply though his nose, a sigh of defeat. His eyes wandered over Rey's hunched figure, noting the ragged rise and fall of her back as she cried. Without thinking he cut the distance between them, hovering over her in a way that appeared more threatening than anything. Rey didn't notice this, or if she did she didn't acknowledge it. She didn't flinch as he kneeled down behind her, the back of her head facing him. Suddenly his hand was in the air, hovering delicately over the centre of Rey's back. Kylo froze then, hesitating. 

Rey pressed her forehead harder into her arms, willing herself to sink into the floor. Her breaths came faster now, and she was afraid she wouldn't be able to stop them. It was as soon as this thought crossed her mind that Rey automatically held her breath, startled by the sudden pressure of a hand resting against her back. 

Kylo glanced away the moment his fingers made contact, as if she may explode at the touch. Slowly, he raised his head and found Rey frozen, tensed underneath the palm of his hand. He didn't know what to do after this. He was about to retract his hand when he felt the body underneath it shift, sinking as Rey exhaled. It was a shaky sigh laced with evidence of a hoarse throat and suddenly Kylo was hurting too.

It was only fingertips at first; five sudden points of pressure just barely soft enough for her to feel. Then, after a moment, the rest of Kylo's hand pressed gently against Rey's back. She immediately tensed, trying to uncover what sort of malicious intent was behind the gesture. Eventually she had to stop holding her breath; and when she did, Rey felt the hand fall with her back as she exhaled. And suddenly she didn't mind the pressure; she welcomed the small patch of warmth pushing down on her. 

He felt everything. He felt the anguish Rey felt as a girl, the moment she watched that ship speed away from Jakku. How the abandonment ripped through her like fire through hay, how her anger masked her fear, and how that fear made her angrier. Every tear in her heart became mirrored in his. He wanted to hold her. To go against every instinct he'd ever had and pull her body against his. He wanted to squeeze her so tightly that the holes mended; every piece of her that had ever broken was pushed back into place. But he didn't. Instead he froze, breath hitching as he saw it. He saw himself. Looking down from a higher vantage point, he saw himself standing within Star Killer Base. Across from him stood Han Solo, and between them his lightsaber. This had all happened, this was in his memories. But this wasn't his memory. He tried to dig deeper, move to a different source, pull a different memory from her brain. But he couldn't. So he watched as the saber ignited and everything inside of him was lit on fire. 

Kylo drew his hand back instantly, gasping as if Rey's skin had suddenly become white-hot. He felt as if a leather cord were wrapped around his heart, tightening each time he breathed. 

Rey flinched at the sudden noise and felt the loss of touch as Kylo drew back. She waited a few moments before curiosity pushed her up and turned her around to face him, and she stared for several moments, entranced. Kylo kneeled before her, glancing down at his hand in wonder. Tears streamed freely down his reddened cheeks and he shuddered involuntarily. 

Kylo's eyes shot up at the movement in front of him and suddenly time had stopped. Glassy hazel eyes met his own and he couldn't look away. He couldn't tear his gaze from the owner of the feelings he now felt, the pain he now knew. He spoke a thousand words without moving his lips and she answered every sentence with one twice as long. 

Rey wanted to hold him. To go against every instinct she'd ever had and pull his body against hers. She wanted to squeeze him so tightly that the holes mended; every piece of him that had ever been broken was pushed back into place. So, she reached out her arm, outstretched fingers grasping for the side of his face. Her thumb was inches away from brushing the scar slicing through the left side of his face when he disappeared, and her arm fell slack against her side. 

**Author's Note:**

> Another work I'm posting from my tumblr. (Which is softestsolo.tumblr.com btw)


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